While We Weep....

One year, one month, two weeks, three days, and five hours.

685 days.

And the sound of your name still leaves an echo; proof of the gap you've left behind.
I thought that I could be the strong one, but the sight of you leaves a tightness in my chest I could barely breathe.
If I could trade my soul and make a deal with the devil, I'd do it, if it means seeing you for a second, a minute... a lifetime; Maybe to make up 685 days of your absence of the hollow space of where you used to be.
I have not recovered from the trauma of losing you, may never heal completely. Even though 685 days turns to a thousand, there is still the scar that binds a broken heart that could never mend.
I know what you'll say if you've seen me walking down the street. "Move on," with that perfect smile of yours. But don't you see? Life is meaningless without the twinkle of your eyes and the brightness of a smile that could light up a thousand suns.
But I carry on the legacy of your beauty on my shoulder. It just gets so hard at times. I work to the bone to numb my mind from thinking too much. I find the comfort of friends, lover, strangers to see if they could fill in as much space there is. Yet there are times I wake up in the morning and I want to cry so hard until there's nothing left.
It just gets harder. I've moved on, I believe. I've strongly adviced myself to let go...
But baby, you had been the one to release your hand and let go in the torrent of what we call life.
I stood over you today, babe. I know it's only an empty commemoration of you but I find comfort of something solid so I can anchor myself here. Without you, don't you know, I float away?
But I see our family hurting the same way... because you have profound presence over us. You are a beacon that guides us away from the world, ourselves.
With you I understand now what it means, babe. With you, I know that even though you've only been here for a little while, you've taught me... to be me. You've taught me to appreciate. So even though it hurts to hear your name, it kills to see your picture or anywhere, I am always going to love you, my baby girl.

This is what it means to have a big family--
That they will never give you the time of day for yourself; you have to do your equal part on the billion things of errands; they will constantly test your patience; being the only single girl in the family you take part in becoming the surrogate mother to the younger ones; that even though you get back to the real world you still miss them anyway; and no matter how many there are, they can still feel the loss of a loved one, hurting just as much as you are.